Mindfulness Strategies when Interacting with Others ~ SHINZEN YOUNG

Now on retreats, we normally are keeping silence.

But I got a note about in daily life when we were talking to People how can we?

Formulate strategies for meditating or for doing a practice when talking to People well sometimes when you're talking to someone, it's a substantive conversation. So you really need like 100% of your CPU to be carrying on that, so in those cases. You just have to accept the fact that you can't actually implement.

A or not I don't want to put it that way. You may not be able to implement a unintentional strategy. 'cause you have to just be paying attention to what's going on?

However, there is a gradation in our conversations with people with regards to how substantive the conversations are.

A lot of conversations that we have with People are not do not require our total CPU.

If you follow my metaphor to be engaged with that person.

So.

We get an interesting figure ground reversal here.

Normally good conversations are ones that are substantive and just listening to somebody Blabber or shoot the breeze with vacuous social cliches or what have you. Those are considered like not great conversations? But here's where the figure ground reversal comes in.

Those now become the great conversations.

You understand why.

Because you've got some wiggle room you got some extra.

Yeah, Energi.

That you can use to implement a formal strategy.

So.

You can just.

Listen to People talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and daughter OK.

And it's great. The more they talk and the less you talk, the easier. It is to continue implementing your technique. So it gives you a completely different way of thinking about interactions. So then you train yourself.

You are responding to them You're not spacing out, but your training. A variety of possible focus strategies, So what are some of the things that you could train under these circumstances?

Well, one thing is.

You can use part of the focus out thing you can anchor yourself in the sights and sounds of that person, you're really listening and you're really looking.

That's one strategy another strategy is meta in the body.

You sort of you know, we look at People we smile. It's sort of social convention, but you can use Samadi to inflate that social smile into a real like whole body experience of unconditional love just pouring out of your ports. It can be trained and it's very powerful once you learn how to do this.

So one of my most common strategies for meditating in conversations is OK. The sites and some of the person or the The Loving kindness kind of thing. Other strategies are possible. The important thing is, you sort of pick your battles. You say OK? Guess Wat in this conversation. I got enough wiggle room that I can respond appropriately.

And be implementing this technique.

Um.

So People often worry, though well if I'm implementing a formal technique while having a conversation with someone.

Number one what People have 2 worries 1st it's like.

Well, I'll get so involved in the technique that I won't be able to be appropriate.

That's the worry number wanted worry #2 is I'm going to look weird. Or they're going to see that I'm like secretly doing this whatever I mean?

Oh, OK, so let's address the first concern.

Like the proverbial you know, Pat your head and rub your belly or is it. Yeah, I guess it's that way.

So you might be a little awkward.

Initially, but People usually don't notice.

And then you gain some facility to it, you can keep the technique going and you know responded. You don't feel awkward at all, so yeah, you might need to be willing to a little bit. Awkward initially because you're not using the ordinary strategy that we use when we're having conversations with People. The ordinary strategy that we use when we have conversations with People is we're constantly going.

Into our seeing hearing feeling system to plan what we're going to say next constantly being pulled back into the subjective world. Now you're starting I mean of course, that could be a technique. You could be observing you're seeing here and feel in reactions to that person, however, in that case you're observing them You're not actually buying into them are using them to plan what you're going to say next.

So that's where the little awkwardness may come in for a little while because it's like whatever strategy you're doing, even if it's observing your reactions certainly if it's a focus out or a radiate love from your body thing you're not constantly now going back to see in here and feel in to figure out what you're going to say next and if you pay close attention. You'll see that's what we constantly do.

So you might feel a little bit awkward, yes initially.

But then you learn that you actually don't need to constantly go to that place in order to be appropriate. So that takes care of concern number one concern #2? Well, they'll know that you're doing a technique will guess what?

Your technique is not to Disengage from them.

You are anchoring in their sights and sounds or you are radiating in all directions, including their direction unconditional positive regard.

So, in fact, you're more engaged with them. In fact, what disengages People is that constant pulling to tored your own mind and emotions. That's reactive or planning and so forth so if that doesn't happen, but then actually People feel that your.

Like really giving them attention and you're giving them time and space and and People find that very attractive.

So essentially

The less something you have inside yourself as you're interacting with the person.

That that sort of emptiness.

Is like a magnet OK? There's that person unless there and experienced practitioner has a constant pressure of seeing here and feeling.

You're now learning how to communicate with that person without having within yourself that constant pressure of seeing hearing feeling that creates in a good sense of vacuum inside you so it's like an osmotic gradient or a pressure gradient. The ego pressure that they have can dissipate in the space of your ego absence.

And that creates a force that attracts People tordue.

A kind of magnetic force, they don't know why OK but there pulled by that pressure gradient. If my metaphor makes any sense at all, so be willing to take a chance and start flapping your lips without planning what you're saying.

And as you get better and better and better at that you will eventually learn how to write the ox backwards. That's a Zen metaphor the flow of expansion and contraction itself will begin to move your lips and tongue for you and you'll discover that magically powerful an appropriate things are.

Moving across your teeth.

Without you actually quite even knowing until it's too late. But then it's like the Magic happened. It takes a long time to train the ability to do that. You have to be willing to somewhat throw caution to the wind and just as I say start manifesting lot of times People work against themselves in meditation practice. 'cause they go into some really deep state and then the Bell rings.

And it's like Oh, I gotta reconstitute myself in order to be able to deal with the world.

Well, that's like wasting what you just did OK. It's like. No, the whole idea is your in this really deep state you're sort of.

Spacious.

Disoriented the Bell rings time to deal with the world.

Just continue to be spacious and disoriented and start moving, and yeah, there might be a little awkwardness initially but you discover that that all that is needed is the activity of the personality. The something this of the ego is.

Not really necessary to navigate the world and to interact with one's fellow beings so the whole idea is you. It's like the Bell rings and no don't like OK. I gotta get myself in the world solid again. No no no OK, you just start being space moving through space and.

Let the manifestation of curb.